Dude, your voiceover script sucks

So here’s the story. I’m with this so-called creative director. (The worst I’ve ever worked with, bar none. But that’s another story.) We’re recording video segments for a bank’s website.

We have the bank’s VP of whatever-whatever under the Klieg lights. Nice guy, trying to do his best for the team. Out of his element. Nervous as hell. And he’s charged to read the script Mr. Perfect God’s Gift to Advertising Creative Director penned. A script which included this line:

Our people are our greatest asset.

Three problems: 1) The line stinks. Out loud. Writing ‘are our’ for the spoken word was a really bad idea. Tough, even for a professional voiceover actor. 2) The guy under the lights was not a professional voiceover actor. 3) His first language wasn’t even English. It was Spanish.

Are you &#@$ kidding me?

As you might imagine, the banker couldn’t get the line right, no matter how many times we tried. And the more he flubbed it, the more nervous he became.

After the fifth or sixth take, I wandered over to Mr. Right to attempt a constructive suggestion. “Hey, pal. Can we give the guy a break? He’s obviously having trouble with the line. Let’s rewrite it so it’s a little easier for him, OK?”

At this point, God’s Gift to Advertising’s hat size went from ridiculous to absurd. His head turned beet red and veins in his neck throbbed like an alien cocoon in a B sci-fi movie. I feared for a minute that his ginormous, ego-bloated command module might literally explode, sending his cheap toupee into low Earth orbit and spewing grey matter all over the poor VP of whatever-whatever.

Then came his reply – paraphrased here for lack of clear memory and dramatic emphasis:

“How DARE you! My script was approved by the client. We can’t change it. My script is perfect. It’s him. He has to try harder. Blah blah blah blah blah …”

OK. Never mind. I get it. You’re a washed-up egomaniac hack. Sorry to disturb your inertia.

Jackass.

I digress. So what could we have done (assuming the project had a creative director with more than three brain cells?)
1) Our team is our greatest asset.
2) Our people are the cream of the crop. They’re our greatest asset.
3) Our people are the best in the business. They’re our greatest asset.
4) Our greatest asset? Our people. Period.

And dozens of other variations, without the phrase ‘are our.’ The point: be flexible. Your copy isn’t precious, priceless, crushed velvet unobtanium. It’s a means to an end. And the end is what matters.

For the love of God, if the talent – professional or not – has trouble with your line, rewrite the damned thing. Don’t hesitate. It’s your responsibility to the project and the client. And if you think the client or account manager or whoever might freak out, record it both ways so you can deal with it in post.

It ain’t rocket science, folks. End of lesson.

=SE

CopywritingSpoken wordvoiceover